Here are instructions alleged to occur on labels of consumer goods.
(The parenthetical remarks are not mine.)
|
On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (darn! That's the only time I have to work on my hair). |
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. |
|
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) |
On some Swanson/Swann frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). |
|
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! |
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? |
|
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) |
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? |
|
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) |
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) |
|
On Sainsbury's peanuts (often misreported as Sunsbury's peanuts):
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) |
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Shouldn't it start with "Locate and Read instructions"?) |
|
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." |
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) |
|
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) |
In a Philips washing machine instruction manual:
If the main fuse blows, insert a fuse of a larger rating. (What if it still blows 250-ampere brass nails?) |
|
On an GSM radio base station:
Warning: Do not open the cabinet door until all the modules have been installed. (How are we supposed get them in there?) | |
|
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could greatly reduce the rate of construction accidents, if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) | |